I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
