Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
