Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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