Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
