watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
