Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
