im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
