he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
