I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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