Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
