bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
