you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
