All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
