I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
