im drinking this country out of the recession.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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