ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
