this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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