12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
