man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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