dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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