Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
