I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
