I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
