somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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