dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
