Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
