Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
