Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We just shotgunned beers for America
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
