Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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