It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
