I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
