come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think i have two assholes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
