I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come on in and take your pants off
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