I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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