my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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