im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
