Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
