Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
