obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
