I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
