Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
