That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
