she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
