It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
