dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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