if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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