I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
