When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
