He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
