Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Congratulations! We have a period
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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