I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
