i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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