You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
